


Mothklok

by seashadows



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, Originally Posted on LiveJournal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seashadows/pseuds/seashadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dethklok are moths. That's...really all there is to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mothklok

**Author's Note:**

> I work in a campus entomology lab. This just kind of happened.

  
They lay there, five damp, crinkly-winged creatures, shuddering from the exertion of bringing themselves into the world.   
  
“Guys,” Nathan Mothsplosion finally said, “I think…I think we need to do that thing I was telling you about.”   
  
“Befores we am pupates?” Toki Warwings asked.   
  
“Yeah. We need…we need to build a space helicopter.”   
  
“C’mahn,” Pickles the ‘Pillar said. He flapped one rapidly drying wing and buzzed happily at its progress. “We gaht wings now, dood! We don’t need to build no stupid space helicopter. Reight, Skwisgaar?”   
  
“Wait, where the fuck’d Schkwischgaar go?” William Caterface said, raising his antennae and looking around. “He wash juscht in here!”   
  
“Over heres.” Skwisgaar Skwigmoth waved a wing at the rest of the group. “I talkings to dis G-moth what ams lives a week and de halfs already.” He sidled up to an old moth, her wings papery and sheened with age, and stuck out his proboscis.   
  
Caterface shuddered. “Ew. That’sch a fuckin’ wrinkletitsch! Jeezy!”   
  
“What ams dat t’ings?” Toki indicated a mysterious flask.   
  
“That’s sugar water, boys,” came a voice from above them. The moths all looked up to see an older moth clinging to the ceiling of the mating cage. “It keeps us alive, but Toki, don’t drink too much of it. I know you’ve had a problem in the past with controlling yourself around the wheat germ.”   
  
Nathan’s wings fluttered, and he tried to flap up to Charles, only to be stymied by his still-damp wings. “Holy fuckin’ _meconium_ , Charles! You’re DEAD! You died…right? You should’ve died – you’re fuckin’ old!”   
  
Charles Mothdensen fluttered down, folded his wings, and rested beside the newly-eclosed moths. “I _did_ die, Nathan. But I was lucky. The day of my death happened to coincide with the day that the human who doesn’t like touching moths cleaned out the cage. I was still clinging to the wall, so she ignored me and picked up the moths on the floor instead.”   
  
“How’d you come beack to life, if you were dead?” Pickles asked. “Toki! Git oatta th’ sugar water!” Toki didn’t even lift his head at that.   
  
“The Church of the Black Moth saved me,” Charles answered. “My heart had stopped for the most part, but I could still feel it beating slightly. Once all the humans had gone home for the day, two moths picked me up and carried me to the sugar water on their wings. I drank as much as I could hold, and I came back to life.”   
  
“Wowee.” Toki finally lifted his dripping head out of the flask of sugar water and shook drops off his antennae. “So you am talk-eds to us when we weres de caters-pillar, and now we cans talks to you agains?”   
  
“That’s right, Toki.”   
  
“Oh, _wowee!_ ” Toki flapped his wings, which by now had fully dried, and took off, buzzing around the top of the cage. “Dat’s good sugar waters! Now I feels all fulls of de energy.”   
  
“He’s gahnna creash,” Pickles said. “Toki! DOOD! Yer gahnna creash! Tell ‘im, Skwisgaar.”   
  
Skwisgaar looked up from his G-moth, to whom he was now attached. “Whats? Oh, ja…Toki, gets out from de sugar waters.”   
  
“ _Euuugh_ ,” Pickles groaned. “Skwisgaar, theat’s gross! Take theat meconium behind th’ humidifier, dood.”   
  
“I, ah, wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Charles said. “There’s a dead moth back there. The Church of the Black Moth calls him Mr. Selatcia – the Half Moth. He’s the one who killed me.”   
  
“Scho, what? Did you kill him?” Caterface sidled over to the space behind the humidifier and poked the mangled body with one of his legs.   
  
“Yes,” Charles said. “Before you boys eclosed, Selatcia and I fought, and I sliced him in half against the edge of the water funnel.”   
  
“Oh. Well, that’sch metal.” Caterface raised his abdomen and squirted the body with meconium. “There we go.”   
  
Skwisgaar humped the G-moth a few more times and crawled over to Charles. “Someone’s gonna get dat t’ings outta here, rights?” he said. “It ams creepies.”   
  
“If I’m not mistaken,” Charles answered, “a human will come into the bug room any time now to clean out the dead moths, and the body will be put in the freezer.”   
  
“The FREEZER?” another moth shouted. “You c-c-can’t put me in there, man!”   
  
Toki slurped more sugar water and looked at the moth. “Who ams you?”   
  
“I’m Rockso the Moth, b-baby! I DO POLLEN!”   
  
“I likes you,” Toki decided.   
  
The clear door of the mating cage, which blurred the sight of the entomology lab’s bug room from the inhabitants of the mating cage, swung open with a slow sound of ripping Velcro. “ _Fuck!_ ” Nathan shouted. “We gotta show that human we’re not fuckin’ dead!”   
  
All five of the new moths aimed and fired, and it goes without saying that the human asked someone else to clean out the mating cage the next day.


End file.
